How do you learn to love yourself in a world that tells you you’re never good enough? I thought Id made it, I thought I had figured out how to make myself happy and how to love who I am. It wasn’t until everything started going wrong that I realised I will never be as content as I want myself to be.
How can someone love you when you don’t even love yourself? How can you even begin to define what love is if you cant love the vessel that carries your soul each day? I believe that love is a socially constructed term to explain how you feel for the important people in your life when everything is going your way. Its easy to love the people around you when you are enjoying your life and everything seems perfect. Its hard to love the important people in your life when you feel like you aren’t worth their time, that they must be sick of your complaints, that they must have something better to do than listen to you pour out your sorrows.
I have recently been a victim of love. Someone very important to me told me that they are not ‘in love’ with me. But how they define love and how I define it seem to be very different. To me there is shallow love and there is deep love. Shallow love is between teenage sweethearts, un-intelligent people who watch too many mind numbing romantic comedies, who believe that there is one true soul mate out there for them. To them, love is a step in a relationship, something that becomes a normal part of your day. It loses its meaning as its said too many times, and it doesn’t change peoples behaviour.
Someone once told me they loved me, yet they cheated and lied repetitively. I’ve had friends who say they love me go behind my back, spread rumours, speak poorly of me. So is that what you call love?
Deep love to me is the kind of love you have for someone when you look at them one day and think, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Despite their flaws that are apparent to you, despite the fact that you don’t always want to be around them, that they annoy you, you decide that this is your person. To me it is just that, a conscious decision to stick by that person through whatever comes your way. There is no glamour, no sparks and fireworks, just an agreement to share your lives and try your hardest to avoid hurting each other in the process.
To think that one day you will wake up and feel this overwhelming feeling for someone that continues past that moment is naive. By nature, we are designed to find a mate, procreate, and help each other survive the environment. At what point did we decide that the only way to be sure someone wants to be with you is for them to speak an empty word that’s based on a momentary feeling. No matter how much you love someone, there will come a time where you hate them, where you cant stand to be around them.
This idea of love is ruining me and my relationship. This person who can barely string enough words together to explain how he feels about something as basic as his job, expects to one day wake up, look at me or someone else and feel the most intense, overwhelming, life changing feeling. How is that possible? How can someone put so much pressure to feel that strongly for one person?
Maybe I’m cynical, maybe I’m jaded, it doesn’t matter. Its been shown throughout history, time and time again that love comes in many forms, and can never be relied upon. No matter your opinion, one thing is for sure, you can never count on love. It is a fleeting feeling, mixed with many other emotions that change with the wind. We are only hurting ourselves by aspiring to feel this content at all times. Life will always go on, but love is ever changing.
We cannot fully love ourselves, no one is ever one hundred percent happy with who they are and yet we expect this love from everyone else around us. I ask again, how can we expect love from others that we will never feel for ourselves?